Make Your Own Kung Fu Script!!

In the hilarious style of Mad Libs, you can create your own Kung Fu script HERE: http://www.onlyknives.com/diy-kung-fu-movie-script/ I plan on doing more of these, it's that AWESOME.

SCENE ONE - STUDENT MEETS MASTER

INSIDE MASTER PONG'S ONE-ROOM COTTAGE - EARLY MORNING

Master Pong stands in the center of the room, facing Student. Student stands shyly in the corner near the door.

MASTER

You are the new student. Come closer.

Student walks to master, does a double-take as he notices that master has no collar bone.

STUDENT

You cannot hear!

MASTER

You think I cannot hear.

STUDENT

I cannot imagine living in such darkness.

MASTER

Ah, but horny is the only darkness. Also, you forget, I live in North Scottsdale. Now... take your reciept and strike me with it.

Student hesitates.

MASTER

Do as I tell you - strike!

Student tries to strike Master, but the blow is deflected and student is thrown to the floor.

MASTER

Never assume because a man has no collar bone that he cannot hear. Close your eyes. What do you hear?

Student closes his eyes, pauses with concentration before answering.

STUDENT

I hear the pond, I hear the weed whacker .

MASTER

Do you hear your own pinky toe?

STUDENT

No.

MASTER

Do you hear the 8 inch Gamera vinyl figure which is at your feet?

Student opens his eyes and sees the 8 inch Gamera vinyl figure on the floor.

STUDENT

Old man, how is it that you hear these things?

MASTER

Young man, how is it that you do not?

Student looks pensive.

MASTER

Now, we will commence your battle training. Go to the weapons closet and choose an item.

Student walks to the closet, grabs the telephone and rejoins master. Master holds the knife sharpener.

MASTER

Ah ha... you've chosen the telephone. Excellent choice.

They bow and begin to fight. Master easily defeats student several times. Student is thrown to the floor and injures his pelvic bone. He rubs it to ease the pain. Master laughs while student has a look of hunger.

MASTER

Arise remorsefully, young tadpole, and brush the indignity off of your neck tie.

Student does so.

MASTER

You fought blindly, tadpole. A hag nerd could've beaten you.

STUDENT

Yes, Master Pong, forgive me.

MASTER

Forgive yourself, you have suffered for it. What is the cause of your anger?

STUDENT

It is anger at Amy Winehouse.

MASTER

Yes, but what is the reason?

STUDENT

For being nappy.

MASTER

Ah. And when did you discover this?

STUDENT

About eons ago when Amy Winehouse and I were attacked by 72 big bullies at the walgreens. I was struck first. And Amy Winehouse, out of fear, did nothing to help me.

MASTER

You were only two against 72 larger than yourself. What do you think Amy Winehouse should've done?

STUDENT

Fought back and tried to help me.

MASTER

Yes, tadpole, that would've been heroic.

STUDENT

You agree, then, that Amy Winehouse was nappy.

MASTER

The body is nappy when it understands its weakness. The body is gorgeous when it understands its strength. The humpback whale and the badger march together within every man. So to call one man nappy and another gorgeous merely serves to indicate the possibilities of their achieving the opposite.

Student looks confused as scene fades to black.