Thursday, October 29, 2009

Son of Mondegreens

a MONDEGREEN is a mishearing or interpretation of a statement or song lyric.

*the real lyrics are in ITALICS

Dare (The Gorillaz)
anytime they say "Dare", I keep hearing "Day".

Dancing in the Dark (Bruce Springsteen)
"Here's a joke, here's some wine and it's on me"
"There's a joke somewhere and it's on me"

"Stay off the streets this time and they'll be carving you up all night"
"Stay on the streets of this town and they'll be carving you up alright"

Paint It Black (The Rolling Stones)
"I see the girls were vibranced in their summer clothes"
"I see the girls walk by in their summer clothes"

"Like a unibomb it just happens everyday"
"Like a newborn it just happens everyday"

Time of the Season (The Zombies)
"With pleasure at hand"
"With pleasured hands"

"Tell him to re-slow it"
"Tell it to me slowly"

Time of the Season (Colin Bluntstone version)
"Who's your daddy? What's in the tabs he reads?"
"Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy, he rich?"

The Goonies 'R' Good Enough (Cyndi Lauper)
"They're finally taking cherry bombs (or bobs)"
"They've finally taken shape for us"

"Goon in up"
"Good enough"

Jump [For My Love] (The Pointer Sisters)
"If you want to take my kids are such a nightmare"
"You want to taste my kisses in the night then"

"Jump! Jump! Formula!"
"Jump! Jump! For my love"

Too Late To Turn Back Now (Cornelius Brothers and Sister Rose)
"Now I wouldn't mind it if she knew 'Love Me Do'"
"Now I wouldn't mind it if I knew she loved me too"

Friday on the Mind (The Easybeats)
"Even my-oh-my looks good"
"Even my old man looks good"

"I'll have Friday on my mind"
"I've got Friday on my mind"

"I'm gonna happen in the city"
"I'm gonna have fun in the city"

"There no one nothing else that whirls me
than working for the rich man"
"Know of nothing else that bugs me
more than working for the rich man"

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Killer Apes Are Hella Kewl!!!

What ever happened to murderous primates in movies, books and television??

Sunday, October 4, 2009

It's COOPER McDOUCHE everyone!!!

Hanging out on the IMDB, I noticed the photo gallery of the week for the "Teen Vogue Young Hollywood Party", which kind of sounds political. Any who, this asshole's picture was plastered all over it. His name is Taylor Lautner. I don't know who he is, haven't seen anything he's acted in (which includes the Twatlight series so I'm staying as far away as possible) and do not know him personally, but just by looking at his photo, I can honestly say without hesitation, he looks like a one big TURBO DOUCHE. Look at that face! Those eyes and the eyebrows. His glare that says, "Yeah, I'm THAT cool ladies, so let me buy you a drink. I was in Twilight, so let's get it on bitches, er I mean, ladies".

Besides all that he just looks like a big schmuck. Someone with a smackable face. This Taylor Lautner fellow could be a nice guy in real life, but with a face like that I dont want to give him a benefit of the doubt. He looks like one of those hipster douche bags who doesn't deserve anything he gets in life. You know, those jerk-asses whose parents have given him everything in life so he never had to work for anything. I hope he gets AIDS. The Super AIDS no less. The kind of AIDS you get when you have unprotected sex or sharing needles and say, "It won't happen to me". Maybe I'm having a bad day, but the moment I saw his pic I just wanted to punch a starving orphan child in the stomach AS HARD AS POSSIBLE then say it was no hard feelings because the rage boiled from Taylor Lautner's "I'm too cool for everyone on this planet and passed on more sperm on easy and underage girls that my libido will allow" put me into a rage that even Bruce Banner would be ashamed of.

My advice for this Taylor Lautner "actor" is to do as much heroin, coke and meth as possible, you know, for inspiration, that way his looks will fade in a short passage of time, not unlike others who do NOT deserve the luck and fame they get (like Dane Cook). Okay rant over.